“Sex with Mike is great I just don’t know if he gets me, you know, all the way there.”

“I’m 32 and I’m pretty sure I’ve never had an orgasm.”

“Look, some women just can’t but that’s OK, right?”

“I don’t have time to get myself off.”

“Have you ever…cos I never, ever do that. It’s such a guy thing.”

No, no and NO! I have heard the above my entire adult life from women I know. Too many women today are still unsure if they’ve ever had an orgasm and if you have to question whether you have hit the big O or not, you probably haven’t. Just check out the research by Nicola Prause who studies human sexual behaviour at the University of California, Los Angeles. Prouse has concluded from research that women often believe they are having an orgasm when in a scientifically tested physiological sense, they are not).

One of the big orgasm stumbling blocks is women waiting for that mythical magic man. You know the one – all the swag of Idris Elba, Tom Hardy’s throw ’em down and fuck ’em attitude and the heavy artillery of Jamie Dornan à la 50 Shades who will come along (no pun intended) and give you that Oscar winning bedroom moment. Ladies, he may never arrive and meanwhile your sweet little pussetta is wondering what it’s done to deserve so little joy. Women, you need to let go of needing someone else to handle your pleasure and take care of yourself. Masturbate! Masturbation is not a dirty word. The best way to learn to orgasm is to do it yourself.

For some reason there is still a shroud of stigma wrapped around the idea that women do this. But we do, in fact 1 in 4 now do it everyday (we just need to get the other three around to this way of thinking). Once a master of your own clit, you can either a) show him what works for you or b) swot his hand away and take care of yourself. Your sexual needs are a priority, dammit!

Research has shown that there’s a whole lot of upside to masturbation (besides the obvious) from stress relief, to higher self-esteem and a more active sex life. Also, we need to work on closing the masturbation gender gap. A mere 7.9% of women aged 25-29 and 9% of women 30-35 masturbate 2-3 times a week vs. 20 % of guys doing it solo in both those age groups.

Free your punani, get to know thyself.